About

If you subscribe to my youtube channel, I won't kill a puppy! Webster's defines "Valor" as "strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness" I was born to a psychoanalyst father and a divorce attorney mother. This combination of parents with evil careers is only one of the reasons why I am the greatest living example of super villainy in modern times. My first act of super villainy was on March 18, 1993, when I engaged in a fist fight with then president Bill Clinton. This particular news story remained on the front pages of newspapers for months to come. Because of the media attention I garnered, I was forced to lay low for several months before moving on to my next target. Two years later, I did. Through the weekend of June 17, 1995, I tortured and murdered John Walsh, host of America's Most Wanted, by placing his head in a vice grip that was set to tighten along with the movement of the hour hand on a traditional sweep movement clock that was displayed in front of Walsh the entire time. The entire ordeal took fifty-one hours and was recorded on nine video cassettes and mailed to America's Most Wanted, where portions (Including a forty-one minute clip of me reading excerpts from Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 to an agonizingly screaming Walsh) were shown on air. In the month of August, 1997, I poisoned the water supplies of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Cleavland, Ohio, and Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico with smallpox, rabies, and syphilis respectively. In April 2002, I challenged Chuck Norris to a best of three rock, scissors, paper contest. I defeated Norris four out of three times, and then proceeded to strap Norris to a rocket and fire it into the sun. This caused the sun to burn hotter and brighter. Scientists now believe that this event is directly responsible for the global warming problem that confronts us all. On May 1, 2005, I gained notoriety again by using a super-charged lazer to write my name across the face of the moon, securing a spot in the history books as the greatest vandal of all time. On February 19, 2006, I became tired of being called "Valor the Vandal" and had the moon destroyed. On September 21, 2007, I had all of the faces on Mount Rushmore replaced with my own. On July 8, 2008, I decided that Mount Rushmore made me look fat, so I had it destroyed. I now live alone with my German rottweiler dog, and blue point Siamese cat in a modest home in Bittersville, Pennsylvania. The yard goes untended and is overgrown because I can't be bothered to mow it. The siding along the front of my home is melted and warped because of the heat that radiated from the house across the street after I set fire to, and subsequently burned it down. I did it because my neighbor's home blocked a rather favorable view of the mountains.

Favorite saying

• "Creating a life, and taking one both carry the same sentence"