About

Daughter of the most highGod!!! I don't know the true meaning of love. Have you ever wondered if you have really loved or being loved? I always thought that I have loved but never really felt loved by someone,even for my parents. My parents were nice, Christian parents. But it seemed to me that I have to "earn" their love. I had to be good, have good grades at school, be active in church, do my chores, and when I would make a mistake I would feel undeserved of their love. The same was true when I began to date, I wouldn't feel loved by just being me. And that was love I learned how to give. In order to love somebody he or she had to earn it somehow. I couldn't give my love to someone who hurts me. Then I wasn't able to love anyone because people always hurt. I knew God. I thought I did. I knew God loved me. I thought I have to deserve to be loved by God. One day someone on TV said God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. What means, He will love us no matter what. This was kind of overwhelming at the moment. I could understand God loved me. He gave Jesus to die for me so I could go to heaven. But could He love me all the time? Once when I was twelve my father said he didn't like me because I was being mean. I was being rebel and I didn't think I deserve being loved anyways. But that hurt me badly. He was my father and I thought He was suppose to forgive me and love me. Then, growing up, I was always trying to deserve people's love. Many times I would fail and experience rejection through people's eyes, not only towards my mistakes but towards me. I decided to spend some time away from home. Away from the pressure, away from the little town where everyone knew me. I wanted to be a stranger, I wanted to start again, meet new people, be someone new. My new me caused me to sin against God and break the promise I had made when I was a little girl. I thought that was it. I knew God had to forgive me if I asked Him to, it is in the Bible, it is what He does, but I couldn't see how He could love me and want to have a relationship with me after that anymore. What happened though, is that I began to feel God closer and closer to me, like I was trying to avoid Him for the shame of my sin and Him offering His arms to embrace me. I can't explain to you what was it. For one whole day after I broke my promise to God, I felt like Him had turned His back on me. It was the worse feeling I have ever had. But was only one day. After that I just felt Him drawing me near to Him. I heard so much about His love, I learned about His grace, that is undeserved favor, we don't need to do anything to deserve it, God gives it to us and Jesus is the one who paid the price, all we have to do is receive. I tried to turn away from Him, I drank, I gave myself to selfish men kind of love. And, for my surprise, God was still there telling me how much He loved me. He accepted me. No one had never accepted me just by being me. I was rejected almost all my life and I grew up insecure and full of fear. God knew that and He wanted to change it. My biggest fear was to be alone. He never left me alone.

Favorite saying

• ""Greater is He (God) that is in me, that he that is in the world" I Jhon 4:4"