Family Is Everything I am originally from Nyack, NY. Also the former home of Rosie O'Donnell (that nasty cow), John Francis Daley (Freaks and Geeks, Waiting), Helen Hayes (the first lady of the theatre), and Coheed and Cambria. I knew actor John Taylor (The Ringer, Seventh Sign) growing up. Before coming to Chicago, I lived in Monroe, NY... that's where Velveeta was invented (not by me). My wife is really hot. Cuban. Italian. Sexiness! I work for a dot com company so I'm allowed to be pretentious. I collect sports memorabilia. My Mickey Mantle autographed ball is cooler than anything in YOUR house. In 2005, while managing at Target, I sold Mest lead singer Tony Lovato some patio furniture and signed him up for a Target Visa card. A year later, Mest broke up. A year after that, Tony stabbed a man to death in California. Moral of the story? DON"T SHOP AT TARGET. I am a hopeless workaholic. I am ubiquitous. I hate Dave Coulier. I wish him dead. I am an clever yet lazy animator. I ruined NewGrounds.com by inventing Dress Up Dolls. I have a dossier on Dick Cheney. I am more than a little infatuated with Justin Timberlake... but not in a gay way. He's like Michael Jackson.. except he's not a dead pedophile. People find my use of big words obfuscatory. I watch Smallville. So what. My favorite joke ends in 'Elephino' My cats are named Mork and Mindy. Nanu nanu bitches. I spend very little time in the land of Nod. I know who killed JonBenet. It's just... too soon. I defenestrated a chronograph once because I wanted to see time fly. Rob Halford is the greatest singer who ever lived... I don't care if he slobs knobs. I'm a Pepper, too. I caused the Batmobile to break it's wheel when the Joker got away. When Megaplex is done, Star Wars geeks from around the globe will forge a 77 foot tall golden idol in my likeness. I will not ostentatiously proclaim my endorsement due to the Second Commandment, but will ensconce my jubilation.
