About

I live the modest life of a ginger. Every day, I wake up and I put on my pants one leg at a time like everybody else. No wait, I'm a ginger. I gingerly hop into both at the EXACT SAME TIME. Blows your mind, doesn't it? Anyways, I'm just like everybody else. That is, until you see my hair. Then I turn into what might quite possibly be the sexiest man alive. Swag. You jealous yet? Probably not. So I'll continue. Have you ever been so amazing that you could hop behind any (left handed) drumset and just play the most insane beats ever? No? Because I can do that on a DAILY BASIS. You can't. I can. What else makes me amazing? ARMPIT HAIR. I have the biggest bush of armpit hair you could ever imagine. Ladies, you may not be able to relate. But all the guys are totally playa hating right now. The list goes on and on. Seriously. I enjoy long walks on the beach under the full moon and stars. Before I wake up the next day, I've more than likely participated in multiple jungle safari trips. Across the world. I can make you a candlelight dinner and serve McDonalds, and you would probably be too lost in my eyes to notice. The world didn’t end in 2012 because secretly, without you knowing it, my hair replaced the sun while scientists found a way to reignite it. Every day, thousands of girls ask me out. I gently let them down, but it only makes them like me more. This is the only problem I have yet to find a solution for. I suffer severe depression until I find a mirror, where I am delighted by the sight of my own face. While I can not possibly put into words the gravity of just how amazing I am, at least we tried. Maybe if we meet in person you can begin to understand. Until then, you can ask Noah Ice to describe it and he’ll do a pretty good job. Oh wait, he just did. Peace, Calvin. Thanks for giving me something to do on my way up to Blast. (:

Education

• College of DuPage
• Berklee College of Music
• Metea Valley High School