About

[addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.

Education

• University of Nevada, Las Vegas

Favorite saying

• ""You have a girlfriend I forgot. Youre so busy not getting handjobs and blowjobs and reading about 2pac and Neiche i didn't notice" Hey, the only thing youre gonna do by sending that shit . hey is killing this place and that's just on a burger. -The Ramsey "Bart would you please ask your sister to pass the syrup. Bart-Lisa can you pass the syrup. Lisa--Bart please ask Dad! if he's going to use the syrup on any pork products Bart-You dunkin that syrup in that sausage homeboy." Simpsons"