my step dad passed away summer of 2010 and now my father has passed away too on 2-7-11. my little brother billy past away 1-16-11. miss them so much. all the men in my life keep being taken from me and i dont know y. Also I want to tell my story of my children who are in heaven. This is my story: My name is Samantha I’m 30years old and I have no living bio children. I have had 5 miscarriages, all before 8weeks, a daughter who was taken by d&c at 15 weeks (Candie Jane) and I just had a daughter on January 6,2018 who was stillborn at 21weeks gestational (Issabella Rose). I was told after my 3rd miscarriage I was not able to have children and that I should just get fixed (so to say by the dr) so I didn’t loose another child. I refused to do anything of sort as I was not even 20 years old. I experienced my first loss at age 16, my second loss after my 17th birthday with a set of twins, my 3rd with my daughter Candie at age 19 and had to have a d&c because she was to big for my body to ex spell, I never got to see her or do anything for her. After that My body stopped getting pregnant for many years until November 2012 when I got pregnant again with my 4th who was only 6weeks gestational, in August 2016 I got pregnant and lost it only a week after learning I was with child. August 28,2017 I conceived again and thought it would be over before it began. To my surprise my little girl was a fighter. I went 10weeks before demanding to see a high risk dr to oversee my pregnancy do to all of my losses. When I did see them for the first time he did all my blood work and went over the possibilities of things that may or may not happen. At 16 weeks I had my first full scan done and they found that my little angel had large amounts of fluid all over her and the skin flap on her neck was extremely thick along with her exterior skin walls. At that time I opt to have cells pulled from the placenta for further testing. A week later my dr called to tell me my babygirl had Turner syndrome and something called hidrops. He sat us down to explain everything and told us we were having a little girl, I didn’t rejoice but cried in anger and pain. He told us our options that included termination, I told him no my baby is a fighter like her momma and I wanted to continue the pregnancy as long as possible. I went in every 2 weeks after that to get sizes on baby and make sure she was still developing. At 18 weeks he told me my baby had fluid on the lungs and heart but her hb was 169. That appointment was right before Christmas. I went home thinking she was fine still and that she will stay that way another 6 weeks when they planned to induce me to give her a fighting chance. At 20weeks 7days (1-5-18) I went back to the dr for the nurse to tell me my babygirl had no heartbeat. My heart dropped and I didn’t want to believe her but I seen no flickering with my own eyes. My dr came in to tell me what would happen next and promised me I would have time with her after she was born. That night Friday night I talked to about 6 drs who couldn’t set up my induction until later the next week. I couldn’t live with knowing I was carrying around my baby with my heart beat for almost another week so I called my high risk dr back and he got me into his hospital to be induced the next morning. I got up the next morning and started out to the hospital at 7am and the hospital was an hr away. My truck broke down on the express way and I was stuck there for over an hr in below zero weather until my mom could come get my truck off the exit. I do believe that there was something that made my truck stay at that place for that long because as soon as my mom got there and pushed my vehicle a little ways it started right back up and drove again. I left my truck at the gas station off the exit and my mom took me the rest of the way to the hospital. When I got there I got registered and settled into my little room my mom left to go back get my step kids settled away for their visit with their bio mom. ( I have custody of 4 of my step children). The nurses got me all set up and made me comfortable then started the medication to induce me, it was almost 1pm by now and they would give me the medication every 4 hrs. It came time for my second dose and I was starving because I had not eaten at all that day, I had began to get a migraine and the dr made them wait to give me more meds till I had eaten something. By 6pm they gave me more meds and I was still not dilated, at this time they gave me an epidural and checked me again at 7pm. I was at -2cm. By 8pm my water broke and I had still not dilated anymore. By 830 my contractions had become overwhelming and extremely painful. The nurse called for the anesthesiologist Who didn’t believe me when I said I could feel my contractions. The nurse checked me before he administered more medication for my epidural and I was 4 cm dilated. Within two minutes I had fully dilated and my daughter was laying between my legs. She was born Saturday 1-6-18 at 9:11pm. The anesthesiologist and the nurse other than my mom we’re the only ones in the room. The anesthesiologist repeatedly apologized for not believing me about my pain as he witnessed her coming into this world two minutes after giving me my meds. The doctor came and pulled out the placenta forcefully and I was running an extremely high fever so they administered IV anabiotic‘s. My Izzy was 15.5 once’s and 8 inches long. I refused to touch my angel until my medication had worn off and I could move my body by myself. By 11pm I was able to move around and hold my little girl for the first time. My heart melted when I seen her little face and her little fingers and hands and my poor angel had a cleft foot. I spent a couple hours holding her that night then I put her back into her cuddle cot until the next day when I wouldn’t let go of her at all. The hospital had A professional photographer come in to take our pictures on Sunday and I was again left to be by myself after the pictures were taken. That night my little girl slept in bed with me I woke up every hour on the hour to check on her like every mother would do with their newborn baby. The next day Monday I was discharged around 11 AM and I had to say goodbye it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do handing my little girl over to a nurse to prep her for the funeral Home. My angel was cremated on the 9th and her ashes returned to me on the 12th. Threw this whole pregnancy I knew there was always a chance that my child would not be coming home with me but when it really happened that way my life felt empty, pointless and I felt like I would never be a real mom. But I am a real mom because I have 7 baby angels watching over me who will one day call me mommy.
